I Want My Money Back

Don't be fooled.

It's not as cool as it looks.

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So, I saw Disturbia today. What a piece of crap. It was basically Rear Window for dopey preteens. I mean, if you’re looking for something to give your brain a break, OK, I understand. Disturbia will not disappoint. One character talks about “substantial” books—too bad he wasn’t in a substantial movie.

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Shia LeBeouf looking for his agent.

The movie follows Kale (Shia LeBeouf), under house arrest, as he spies on neighbors, particularly the coincidentally-just-moved-into-the-neighborhood-girl-next-door, Ashley (Sarah Roemer). Things heat up when Kale starts to suspect a neighbor (David Morse) of murder; things cool back down to room temperature when Kale gets to know Ashley.

Too bad not much of anything is original in the movie. It's all been done before. Everything follows a fairly predictable, cliche'd storyline. Not only that, characters repeatedly make dumb moves. I hate it when they do that.

The acting isn't much to brag about either. Shia LeBeouf's character watches his father die in a car accident at the start of the film, and a year later he's still suffering from depression, except the depression itself seems to be suffering from ADD.

Well, anyway. I'd rather talk about a movie I want to see.

Yup, I can't wait to see this. Apparently it's from 2005, although others sources say it was only released to theaters in February. At any rate, it's not playing anywhere, so I'll just have to wait for the October DVD release.

Which I probably would've bought anyway, but this is one of those movies you need to see on the big screen.

It's a 162-minute documentary on a French monastery. There are no voices for the first twenty minutes. There's only one interview (with one of the monks). No music, no voiceover, only pretty National Geographic (save any native nudity, thank God) nature shots. This will probably bore most people to death; I understand. If you can stay awake through, say, The Thin Red Line or The New World, you'll probably like this...mmm, this one's got my fired stoked alright.

Every once in a while I come across a movie that I think'll be the greatest thing ever, and I just won't shut up about it. Some live up to my hype, some don't. Blade Runner (check), Apocalypse Now (check), Intolerance (x), The Gospel According to St. Matthew (check)...this is the next one, so here's hoping I won't be disappointed.